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 How we use what we learn from the DiSC is as individual as we are. However, here are some questions to ask when addressing challenging situations.
1)Is this something I can fix?
Often we confuse the situation with the people involved. We may believe the other person is plagued with erroneous thinking and it is our job to fix him to make everything more harmonious. However, the other person's thinking may not be erroneous at all, just different from our own. Often the degree to which we are committed to help a person see the error of her ways usually is directly related to the degree with which we need to open our minds!
There are certain universal truths that are best learned early in life: the only person we can fix is ourselves. Trying to fix or help others to change is unhealthy, at best. My advice in a situation when tempted to fix another person: Don't just do something; stand there!
Situations can be fixed. Relationships can be repaired. Teams can be rejuvenated. Leave the people people-fixing out of it!
2)Is my response part of the solution or the problem?
We can be perfectly correct in our responses and still contribute to the problem. Before going any further, let's do a brief review of each DiSC response style:
D - Dominance: direct; often take charge; fast-paced and task-oriented.
I - Influence: talkative; fun loving; persuasive; fast-paced and people-oriented.
S - Steady: supportive; warm; slow-paced and people-oriented.
C - Conscientious: analytical; precise; detailed; slow-paced and task-oriented.
A "D" response may just be too direct for an "S" response person. An "I" response may seem too flippant for a "C" or "D" response person. Again, there are no errors being committed, we're just not reaching each other.
There's another important factor: fear. If we're responding in fear, we usually are part of the problem. Each of the styles is associated with a specific fear:
D - losing control, power or authority
I - rejection
S - sudden change and rejection
C - criticism
We need to look to ourselves first. If we are responding out of fear, we need to shift our focus, face and deal with our fears, then respond. This process usually results in a different response, which most often will be part of the solution. It's also helpful to be conscious of the other person's fears. Are we responding in a way that will exacerbate her fears? We may not be able to fix the other person, but certainly we can develop compassion and patience for him to deal with his own fears.
3)What will it cost me to fix this situation?
This will take some thought and perhaps a bit of soul-searching.
It's important to realize and accept who we are and be true to ourselves. It might be perfectly appropriate to stay within our own response styles provided we maintain a positive attitude and speak using positive terminology in a positive tone of voice. This will go a very long way to fix a situation at little cost to us.
However, we may choose to adapt to the other person's response style, which also might help. For example, if a high "C" response person works for a high "D" response supervisor, she might consider giving less-detailed analysis and provide more direct, bottom-line kind of answers. The "D" response supervisor might decide to use a slower pace, offer more detailed guidelines, and give her "C" response employee more notice of approaching deadlines. Again, none of this involves a great deal of cost to those involved.
Please note: I am not talking about changing who we are, merely adapting for a given situation. If we slip into changing ourselves in order to function in a difficult situation we are paying too high a price! This is a very slippery slope that can result in finding ourselves in a broken heap at the bottom. There is no right or wrong style in any situation. Studying the DiSC Profile System gives us positive viewpoints on all the styles, positive language and very positive alternatives.
4)When all else fails, have an open discussion!
Of course, it would be immensely helpful if the other person involved took the DiSC Profile and was familiar with the terminology. However, this is not a prerequisite. It is very possible to have a discussion focusing on mutual needs, desires, goals, fears, etc., and come to an agreeable conclusion. Your knowledge of the DiSC will put you that much closer to being aware of basic differences, understanding the situation, and finding a solution.
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