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“Don’t even try for that promotion. It will be humiliating to see someone else get it.”
“That’s a dumb idea!”
“You’re too ____________. (Fill in the blank: fat, tall, short, old, young, stupid. You get the picture.)
Wow! These are pretty strong statements! Who would say such things? A boss? A mate? No, these are things we say to ourselves. These statements come from our own inner critic. I like to call them “mind chatter.”
It’s true that there are abusive people out there and many of us may have heard these things from a negative or unkind person. (Or perhaps even blurted them in a moment of rage or blind selfishness). But more often than not, the unkind person talking is in our own head!
Mind chatter is a powerful block to living a vital, productive life. Research has shown that there isn’t a person alive who has escaped this very present saboteur. If our personal mind chatter can have a deleterious effect on us as individuals, how is it incapacitating our work environment, homes and families? There are ways to sidestep this interference which most successful people have discovered.
In my Leadership From the Inside Out and Teambuilding From the Inside Out workshops, I address our inner critic and share my theory as to the origins of our mind chatter. I also illustrate the next logical step and consequences of mind chatter. Furthermore, I work with my audiences to discover specific remedies. It’s a powerful and productive exercise. Time and space prevent my going into a lot of detail in this column. However, there are three questions we can ask ourselves when this constant, ubiquitous chatter rears its ugly head:
- If I wouldn’t say this to someone else, why am I saying it to myself? This is the one thing that seems to stop my mind chatter dead in its tracks. The best nurturing in the world is self-nurturing. We know exactly what we want and need. Giving it to ourselves means we don’t have to wait for someone to do it for us.
- What’s the truth? When we sort out the truth from the lie in the mind chatter, we tend to quiet it. Understanding and accepting that we are not perfect specimens keeps us humble and teachable.
- So what? If my mind chatter persists even after I’ve asked the above two questions, this last one usually works well. “So what if someone else gets the promotion? I have notified all the right people that I have dreams and aspirations. I can have them assist me in achieving them” “So what if that’s a dumb idea? It might spawn the creative one that will make a difference.” “So what if I’m too (fill in the blank)? That has nothing to do with what I’m trying to accomplish. I’ll just do my best and see what transpires.”
If you are interested in learning more about mind chatter, our inner critic, human default programming, how all this can keep us from being our best true selves, and how to discover your own unique solutions, contact Diana at diana@resultsfromtheinsideout.com. She will be happy to craft a leadership or teambuilding program specific to your organization.
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